My Girlfriend’s Mum Stabbed Me — My Swollen Boil Part 2

Aaron Kara
6 min readMar 8, 2019
Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash

This is a continuation of a story I wrote last week called ‘My Swollen, Red, Angry Puss Filled Boil.’ To catch up on my humiliation and love life, follow the link below

https://medium.com/@ak21191/my-swollen-red-angry-puss-filled-boil-f6777151c7f6

I’ve got onion on my groin. That’s right. Apparently it’s good for you. I wake up the next day with my new girlfriend Katja. Her mum wants to see whether the onion has worked its anti inflammatory magic. I once again repeat the process of stripping in front of my girlfriends mum and she pulls the bandage off my boil to reveal the onion. She removes the onion and starts trying to squeeze the puss from my infected abscess. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t expecting her to do that.

It hurt.

I made noises. Pain induced noises. I tried to keep it as manly as possible. I lived with my 38 year old brother at the time, he was a few feet away, bald head poking out from the door to my room, giggling at my misfortune. Evil bastard. Brigitte stopped to inspect the abscess;

Brigitte: Hmmmm.

Aaron: Yes?

Brigitte: It’s still infected but it’s too soon to tell whether the onion has had enough time to work.

Aaron: Fuck.

Brigitte: I was hoping the onion would allow us to further drain the boil.

Katja: Ill chop some more.

Aaron: Throw some garlic in there whilst you’re at it.

Brigitte: Garlic will not help —

Katja: He’s joking mum.

Brigitte: Hmmm, I see. We will use more onion today, but if it doesn’t work, I will use a hot needle to create a new channel next to the boil where we can try to squeeze more of the puss out.

At this point I look at Katja, my face filled with self pity. I wanted to object but I couldn’t. She was a doctor and my girlfriend’s mum. She had all the power! I look at Brigitte;

Aaron:…OK. Hopefully the onion works and we can avoid the stabbing.

Brigitte:…

Aaron: What?

--

--

Aaron Kara

Writer/actor/poet/idiot. Trying to provide light-hearted content and the occasional serious poem about life and stuff, but mostly stuff