My Ridiculous Inner Monologue At The Gym

Aaron Kara
3 min readFeb 27, 2019
Photo by karl S on Unsplash

Jesus it’s busy!

They're everywhere! Why are there so many people? Why is everyone so concerned with their health?

Wasn't there supposed to be an obesity crisis?

Right, well hopefully I can get a locker.

Nope. The ones I thought were empty have stuff in but there are no padlocks on them. No wonder, the guys who do that probably aren't scared of people stealing their stuff, they could crush a man’s head with a single fist

Look at that guy! I had no idea a single shoulder held hundreds of different muscles! Surely that’s overkill right? Do chicks dig that?

I’m going to say ‘no’ to protect my ego

Right, I can do this, anxiety is already creeping in but I got my music. Ain’t no thing Aaron, ain’t no thing, eye of the tiger baby

Looks like most of the machines are being used. What are you doing? Whoa — DON’T ASK ANYBODY IF THEY'RE FINISHED YOU IDIOT!

Just walk up and down looking casual until something’s free to use

I know, I’ll go to that corner with the free weights. Pump some iron bro…don't say that Aaron, at least not out loud.

Man, this isn't enough! I should be doing squats and bench presses and deadlifts like the real men over there. Not these weights, what are they? -

12kg, ah christ Aaron you can do better than that

18kg, that’s about right…

Nope, christ they're heavy -

Back to 12kg

If 70% of getting jacked is diet, what in the good lord are those guys eating? They must blend whole chickens enough to be injected directly into their veins

Ohh, we’ve got a grunter. I can hear him through my headphones.

I wish I had the confidence to grunt in the gym…that’s when you know you've made it

He has more veins on his head than I do in my wrists…he’s going red, surely this is dangerous

I should move away from the blast radius before he explodes

Look at this guy, he’s wearing more clothes than I would outside. Gym tights, two pairs of shorts, two hoodies…

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Aaron Kara

Writer/actor/poet/idiot. Trying to provide light-hearted content and the occasional serious poem about life and stuff, but mostly stuff