When Corporate Culture Kills

Somewhere between uncomfortable and lethargic, the battle between the muscles in my eyelids and the urge to welcome the soft embrace of sleep wages on. The fuzzy silhouette of some corporate lemming is just about visible through my bleary eyed vision. He gesticulates to a graph on the screen. To a bar chart no less, a fucking bar chart.

The corporate gauntlet. Where you’re tested in the fires of incredible monotony. A chain of endless meetings prior to some useless corporate event. I don’t think I’ll survive this one.

“B2B operations and cross communication amongst affiliated providers is a strength to our service and empowers clients…”

Why do people talk like that? What happened to us? When did humanity stoop so low? You’d think the presentation could be recorded and used to treat insomnia, but no. It keeps you conscious whilst boiling your soul in the bubbling cauldron of mind numbing boredom.

“…communication strategies to implement this as seamlessly as possible into the organizational ethos. Next slide please, Keith…

It’s oppressive. The clinical white of the room. The soft buzzing of the projector. The droning presenter. It’s a perfect storm. A sensory sedative. I can actually feel my consciousness dwindling. My brain feels more liquid than when I sat down. When did I sit down?